


How To Successfully Hide A Dead Body

by Teaforopeners



Series: Husband Adventures [3]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aaron is scared, BAMF Spencer Reid, Cassandra Clare is a queen, Crack, Established Relationship, Humor, Husbands, Jeffery Deaver is a king, M/M, Married Aaron Hotchner, Married Spencer Reid, Permanent marker, Prank Wars, Reference to The Bone Collector, Reference to The Mortal Instruments, Rossi is a wine housewife, Runes, Scary Spencer Reid, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 10:33:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25469341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teaforopeners/pseuds/Teaforopeners
Summary: A prank war in the Hotchner-Reid household goes wrong. And Aaron's just a little bit scared of his husband.Because Spencer can be really creepy sometimes.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & David Rossi, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid
Series: Husband Adventures [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1823185
Comments: 24
Kudos: 289





	How To Successfully Hide A Dead Body

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I hope you like this :D  
> My main languaje is spanish so I'm sorry if something is wrong, I really try my best.

David Rossi is used to waking up early on his days off and making a good and big breakfast for eating on his porch while reading a new book.

This week's book is The Bone Collector by Jeffery Deaver, he knows he should be having enough serial killer dosage with his job but reading a really good book about what he does just makes him love his job a little bit more. Also Lincoln Rhyme is definitely an interesting (and kind of badass) character, so it's a good guilty pleasure.

It was actually Reid who recommended the book to him, saying “How have you not already read any of Jeffery Deaver's books? What is wrong with you?” So after hearing a 30 minutes rant about the brilliant mind of Lincoln Rhyme, he put an end to his suffering and told the kid that he would buy the series and promised to read them on his days off.

He had been reading for a while and had already ate all of his breakfast when his phone chimed in with a text so he put a bookmark where he was reading and set the book aside. It was a text from his unit chief and friend, Aaron Hotchner.

_10:34 AM_

_Hotch: “Hey Dave, I need a favor from you. Answer as soon as possible please.”_

_10:35 AM_

_David: “What exactly do you need that is so urgent and can't wait until we see eachother tomorrow?”_

_10:40 AM_

_Hotch: “I know it's a lot to ask but could I spend the day in your house? And maybe stay with you tonight?”_

_10:42 AM_

_David: “Why? Are you and the other Hotchner okay?”_

_10:45 AM_

_Hotch: “Yes, it's just that I had a problem with Spencer after we woke up, and when I went to apologize he was on the couch reading a book called How To Successfully Hide A Dead Body AND taking notes.”_

_10:45 AM_

_Hotch: “Dave, I'm scared.”_

_10:46 AM_

_David: “Are you serious? Are you scared of the kid who is like half your weight?”_

_10:46 AM_

_David: “Forget what I said, the kid indeed can be really scary.”_

_10:46 AM_

_David: “Of course you can come, I'll make lasagne for lunch.”_

After that message, he didn't got any more texts from his friend so he supposed that Hotch was going to arrive soon.

While waiting for his friend, agent Rossi could only think about what exactly could have gotten the young genius so mad that Hotch had to get out of their house. He knew that they didn't fight a lot, specially being used to solve their problems calmly so Jack didn't see them arguing.

When he heard his doorbell he huried to the door and let his friend in.

“Thank you Dave.” was the thing that Aaron said as a greeting.

He just smiled to his friend and walked to his kitchen to get two glasses and poured white wine on them till they were full.

“Look, I'm not a nosey person. But I'm worried, so I need to know what happened between you two that you needed to run away from your husband.” Dave said before sitting and taking a sip of his wine. “And I'm doing this right by drinking wine at 11 AM like real housewifes ready to talk about their husbands. Talk, Aaron.”

Hotch just turned his head and avoided making eye contact with him before answering.

“So... we were in bed. I had been awake for a while and I got bored, I knew that if I stood up I would wake him up because he was curled up in my chest. Then I remembered he had pranked me not too long ago changing the salt and the sugar making me eat sweet scrambled eggs, which taste like garbage by the way.” Hotch scratched the back of his head awkwardly before continuing.

“My solution to not being bored anymore was pulling a prank on him. A week ago Jack had asked Spencer to draw shadowhunter runes on him because he wanted to be a shadowhunter and hunt demons. Spencer loved that Jack wanted to be a book character so he bought black eyeliner that would work for painting runes on our kid without staining him forever. The eyeliner ended up staying on the drawer that was on my side of bed, so I blindly reached up and felt what I _thought_ was the eyeliner and opened it up and started to draw _**things**_ on Spencer's face.”

“What do you mean by _thought_?” interrumpted Dave knowing where this was going. “Also, what _**things**_ did you exactly draw on his face?”

Aaron hid his face in his hands a just said. “I drew dicks on my husbands face with a permanent marker.”

Dave just stayed speechless with his eyes almost popping out of his skull.

“When Spencer woke up and went to the bathroom he saw my panicked face, I apologized and he said it was okay and left the bedroom. I think I would have rather him yelling at me.”

Hotch's talk was interrumpted by his phone chiming in with texts. He unlocked his phone and read his texts before letting out a breath that he didn't know he was holding.

Aaron then showed his phone to his friend which was opened on the messages app.

_11:22 AM_

_Spencer: “Hey, JJ came and helped me to figure out how to get the dicks out of my face. Looks like nail polish remover also works perfectly with permanent marker.”_

_11:22 AM_

_Spencer: “I wasn't going to kill you by the way, I don't want to be a widower this young.”_

_11:23 AM_

_Spencer: “Also stop hiding at Dave's. For someone who's used to profiling you definitely are predictable.”_

Dave just nodded while looking at his friend and said. “Kid's right, you really are predictable.”

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? Would you also be scared of Spencer? 
> 
> I'm depressed and lonely, this last week has been awful for me. So I needed to write something lighthearted, and it helped a little bit, I hope you like it and it helps you if you're struggling. 
> 
> :D


End file.
